so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
