Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
