they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
