The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
do herpes really smell.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
