All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
