She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
