I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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