I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
