My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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