dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
