I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
