I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just invented taco cereal.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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