maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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