Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my being single is dangerous.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
