It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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