You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
