no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
