Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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