I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
