Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
