if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
