I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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