i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
