She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
