Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
