Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
