yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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