Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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