Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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