So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
