I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Boobs speak an international language.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
