The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
