Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
