I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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