I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
