I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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