Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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