This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
