Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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