He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
