Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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