Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
