I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
