We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
