Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Rumble strips road head = magical
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
