Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
