Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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