She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We left the knife in your bed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
