By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
