Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
